I feel like I'm dying too

I just wanted to let everyone know that, if I don't seem overly put together, or don't respond to things, or whatever, it's because I'm going through something awful, and I just don't know how to handle it.

My best friend in the world, my beloved dog Dreama, has been diagnosed with cancer. She's got a mass inside her, and the vet seems to think it'll only be weeks or maybe months that she has left.

She's on meds to at least help her feel like eating a little, because she'd stopped pretty much all together. Now, though, she's getting yummy things like hamburger and turkey to eat.  Anything to keep her strength up.

All she does is lay around, and when she does get up, it seems like she's hurting.  The vet says that the antibiotics and steroid treatments may help her regain herself a bit... but for now, when I look at her... I think it might be closer to time than we know.

I don't know what to do. I raised this little girl since  she was only 12 weeks old. Now she's 13 and a half years old. How do I go from looking forward to giving her a cheeseburger on Christmas, to wondering if she'll make it to Christmas at all? I have to start thinking about burial or cremation. I can't even say the words out loud.

So... needless to say, most of my time is spent crying, since this news hit. I'm trying really hard to just carry on as normal, even though all I want to do is lay on the floor and pet Dreama.

When our Pug was living her last days, I kept telling her that it was okay to go if she needed to. I can't say that to Dreama.  Because it's not okay. I don't know what to do, without her. She's afraid of everything. Thunder, loud noises, sudden movements, strangers, kids. Its my job to protect her. What do I do without her here to protect? I can't even picture life without her around.

I don't want her to become just a memory, just a picture on my wall. I'm not ready for this.






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